I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm determined to sit on that face.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
