He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
