Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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