we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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