i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
