My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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