Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize