Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize