Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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