maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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