I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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