Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
