So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My life is pants optional.
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