At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus