She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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