i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
