i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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