Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
