I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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