im drinking this country out of the recession.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
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Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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