i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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