Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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