It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
