I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just want to make out with him forever
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
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