I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
