The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
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After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
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I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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