last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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