dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
