just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
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Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
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I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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