What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
