Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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