I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
