Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
