$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
