Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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