I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
