I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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