Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize