then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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