At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
