I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
