Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
