twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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