My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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