mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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