No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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