The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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