im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
