honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
