Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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