i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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