i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I need to sanitize my soul.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
