70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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