Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
