her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
