Do you still have your period?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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