new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
