She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
