He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
