Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
