Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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