he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
